RISING STAR PR SIGNS JOHN HOLMES

VENICE, CA – In a stunning turn for the agency, Rising Star PR has signed what it will be the first of many “passed on” stars, announcing that the legendary John Holmes has joined the roster.

Negotiations began nearly two weeks ago when Rising Star’s founder, Devan Cypher, contacted Holmes after a party held by Burning Angel.

“He came to me,” Cypher recalled, “John is a huge star and I didn’t really know what to say at first. All I could think of was, ‘Word up, Holmes!’ He seemed to think that was hilarious.”

Under the exclusive agreement, Rising Star will handle PR for all of Holmes future work. Though he hasn’t performed in more than 20 years, publicist Acme Andersson said that only made his comeback more important.

“Let’s be honest,” Andersson said. “The only other male performer that’s even remotely as famous is Ron Jeremy, and John is sick of the Hedgehog stealing the spotlight. With medical advancements like Viagra and Cialis, we’re certain he’ll be up for anything.”

This is a breakthrough that opens a new door for the adult industry, which has been plagued for decades by stars passing on. Andersson said the inspiration came, ironically enough, from the Mormon Church, who have been performing proxy baptisms since 1840. It’s not the first time the religion has helped propel the adult industry in a new and exciting direction.

“Don’t forget about Belladonna,” Andersson said.

Cypher said that since word of Holmes’ return had leaked days ago that several production companies had called hoping to book the star.

“Not surprisingly, Jim Powers was first,” Cypher said. “While John has also met with Paul Thomas, Andrew Blake and Tyler Scott, the most promising right now is Joone, who desperately wants him to star in Pirates 3. The fact is, John can do things others can’t, and Joone knows he could take on many roles in the franchise. Both sides are hopeful something can be worked out.”

Holmes could not be reached for comment.